As noted in the first post of this new series, this continues to be uncharted territory for me writing-wise: I don't know how to write these posts out in any other way that will be entertaining for the reader, other than including conversations so the training dynamic can be better appreciated. I think they would be mind-numbingly boring if I just talked about the exercises done and nothing else. My problem is that I'm afraid these posts will probably sound "braggy" because I'm going on and on about whatever new physical achievement I've discovered I can do, and going into detail about getting to better know my body's capabilities. But isn't that the way we write about our horses and their successes in competition and/or training? I think it's the same thing.
Back to the story:
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We hit the 7 weeks out mark the last week of August.
I had a Friday session that was bumped up from our typical 8:00 am slot to 6:00 am for the first time in months. This wasn't an issue, but I arrived at this particular session feeling incredibly cranky. Not because of the time of day, but for other reasons:
1. I am such a control freak in every other aspect of my life that I had been surprised to discover that I actually really enjoyed for once being told what to do during prep so I wouldn't have to think, overthink and decide. I loved that I was getting a say in what I wanted to do food-wise, but at the same time it also left a lot of room for second-guessing since I was calling the shots. I am the decision maker in pretty much every aspect of my life, but there are areas where I don't mind being told what to do...where I prefer it. I had just discovered that this was one of those areas.
2. My butt was rounder and my hamstrings were actually starting to be noticeable, but I was frustrated again with the stubborn Latina genes that will hang on to every extra ounce of fat in my lower body until my upper body has vanished. Only then will my lower body decide to show that I've been putting work into it. That's how it goes when you're of my ethnic background.
3. I also wasn't sure if the way I looked right now was the way I was supposed to look: after two weeks of experimenting with it, I decided I felt "fluffy" on carb timing. As noted in my previous post, I was terrified of being asked to do cardio 2x/day at the end of prep again and this was majorly stressing me out.
4. I had also just realized that my assumption that OCB competition (the organization hosting this show, as noted in my previous post) would be easier than NPC (the organization of my July show) simply because everyone competed naturally in OCB (sans steroids) was completely false. The solo walk happens at the end in OCB, during finals (after pre-judging), instead of at the beginning as part of pre-judging like in NPC. For OCB it's not just walking to a spot on stage and doing your 4 model poses and that's that...nooooo. In OCB they call it a T-walk, because you walk out from center stage forward, then to one side and the other of the stage in a "T" shape. You incorporate your model poses...but you can also freestyle...which a lot of people do. I knew about the T-walk aspect but not about the freestyle component. It was basically sprung on me when I started researching OCB T-walk videos.
This one made my jaw drop. The girl turns her T-walk into an outright salsa dance.
(It's this competitor's trademark if you go looking at other show T-walks of hers: she's Latina.)
I was like, "WTF?! How do I come up with something like that???!!!"
This one made me feel a little better...but some of those poses are actually Women's Physique poses...and she's doing them in 5" heels! In Women's Physique these are done barefoot...
I wigged out thinking I had to come up with some choreography. This involved a panicked text to Trainer with videos of what I'd found online. How did you come up with yours???! The T-walk is the same concept for all competitors: men and women do it for every division, adding their division's poses plus freestyling however they want. He had laughingly told me to calm down: freestyle was an option, not an obligation and the T-walk wasn't judged. I could just do my poses if I wanted. Yes, but what are your expectations?? I wanted to ask. I'm doing this because I think it's fun and challenging, but at the end of the day, the moment I step on that stage I'm also representing him and his gym. Your gym and trainer don't get announced in NPC when you go onstage alone. They do in OCB!
5. And then there was the hormone factor. Despite being on the pill, my period had nearly disappeared towards the end of last prep, which is considered normal: when a woman's body drops below essential body fat levels, it does alter hormones. Basically, your body needs a certain amount of fat in order to produce a menstrual cycle, whether real or "fake" (as it is on while on the pill). Hormone levels had stabilized the moment I had dropped the 2x/day cardio and added carbs in reasonable amounts back into my life and I had been fine ever since. I wasn't sure what had changed during this particular cycle as it wasn't the first one since the previous show, but I was having a hard time with the hormonal changes both mentally and physically, starting with the fact that it had been tougher to just take a step back and think, "These are your hormones talking. Stop paying attention to them." I knew my levels of frustration right then in Trainer's gym were being magnified by said hormones. They were also contributing to the "fluff" factor and in turn worsening the way I felt about my body that week. Even though I knew this in my head and this is honestly typical for me, I couldn't control my brain from succumbing to all of these feelings this time around. I was unusually tired as well: my strength was not affected in the least, but I would wake up in the mornings feeling as tired as when I went to sleep. This is also typical for me for this time of the month but not for an entire week: it usually lasts only a couple of days. So exhaustion was also contributing to the magnification of emotion.
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| Remember this? I had thought it would be better this time around because I knew how things should go...but it had actually been worse up until the moment described in this post. Oh so much worse! |
I knew all of this chaotic energy was radiating out of me but Trainer seemed completely oblivious to it as he set equipment up and then indicated what he wanted me to do. (I will never cease to admire this quality about guys in general: women can be so reactive to energy, whether real or imagined, and guys are so much more likely to be completely unaware...or to choose to ignore it without it affecting them. Whichever one it is, I will forever envy this ability of theirs.) He had originally hinted at making this a second Leg Day but today he had decided to make it a Back Day. Guys, my lats, traps and the little muscles across my shoulder blades were SO SORE from the workout I had given them 48 hours prior that I nearly burst into tears right then and there. That was yet another thing: I have been so sore during this prep. Last time I was sore all the time up until the last two weeks, where the workload decreased and I was just maintaining strength-training wise. This time around the levels of soreness had escalated to where there were days that I hurt so much I legit just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay in bed. I wasn't sick: I was just working so much harder that my body was having a tougher time recovering.
So yeah: the last body part I wanted to work was my back again. I didn't want to do heavy lifting with those muscles again. I made a comment about it and Trainer was like, "That was 48 hours ago and we're not doing Leg Day again."
*Snarl* I tried to not storm over to the equipment to begin my first set of reps. I was mad at having to repeat a workout so soon when I hurt so much and then mad at myself because if I had been 5 years old, I would have had an outright tantrum. Realizing that made me even angrier at myself. It was ridiculous. I was being ridiculous.
I needed to talk to him about all of this but I had to organize my thoughts first. I stirred them around in my head while gauging Trainer's own emotional state and level of receptivity: it was early in the morning, and while in the past there was a 50% chance he'd be sleepy too during a 6:00 am session, he was wide awake this time. Sometimes I can tell when he is preoccupied with his own Life Stuff, but this was not one of those days: he was exuding that Zen-like calm that I admired so much.
So halfway through the first superset I finally opened my mouth and decided to reach out.
"I've been having a rough time this week," I said.
He had been counting my reps and watching my form when I made eye contact. I think he initially thought I was just bringing up Life Stuff to make conversation but then he must've noticed that I meant a rough time in terms of prep. He got very serious, raised his eyebrows and waited.
I jumped into how incredibly sore I have been. This was not the first time I had mentioned it to him, not as a concern or a complaint but more for advice on what to do about it. I had added glutamine at his suggestion and on my own had doubled the amount of BCAAs I was taking: double doses 3-4 times a day depending on what I was doing on a given day. The BCAA experiment had literally just started the day prior so I had yet to know if that was going to do the trick. (It would ultimately help far more than the glutamine addition did.) He approved of this when I mentioned it now. We also did a run-down of all the other supplements I was taking, including protein powder and casein: there were no nutritional gaps anywhere that could be contributing to my soreness.
I moved on into my concerns with carb timing, my energy levels, body image vs what is real, and how I felt lost in my head at the moment when it came to what I saw in the mirror because I didn't know how to gauge it. Again: I looked better at this stage than last time, and by normal fit human standards I'm well above average, but I was second-guessing even more than the first time. The reason for why I was so frustrated this time was because I wasn't seeing marked daily changes like last time, especially with carb timing, and it was making me question the process. His feedback was actually kind of fascinating:
"Well, when you were carb cycling this time around I could tell which day of the cycle you were on based on how you looked. You looked fuller on the higher carb days and flatter on the low carb days," he said. During the last prep, he would always ask what day I was on in the cycle before deciding what to do during a particular session. He had not asked a single time during this prep and I had wondered about that, if it didn't matter anymore in terms of what workouts would be chosen...now I knew: he didn't ask because he could see it for himself. You read about bodybuilding trainers that have that ability with their clients: to recognize what they are doing nutritionally and what they need just by glancing at them...so it was pretty cool to confirm again that my own trainer has this ability.
He continued, "It's also really hard to both gain muscle and cut. We've been on a gaining phase. If you start cutting too quickly now, we're going to be discussing your Bikini routine by show time instead of your Figure poses," he added snarkily. I laughed. He continued, "And you are more muscular than you were last time. With carb timing, you just look fuller all the time instead of on some days." By "fuller" he meant "more muscular": a good thing.
Relief poured over me. "So that is a good thing? This is how I'm supposed to look right now?"
"Yes."
"Because when I see myself looking fuller, I think "bigger and softer" [I looked less defined] and my brain automatically goes, 'You're fat!' and my knee-jerk response is to want to drop calories and increase the cardio. Which I don't do because I know it's not the correct answer. [The correct answer is manipulate nutrients more and tweak the strength workouts themselves.] I'm 100% fine with it then if this is how I'm supposed to look." Part of my problem was that I didn't know how I was supposed to look during a gaining phase, especially not when this close to another show: I needed feedback to know I was at the right place. I continued, "I'm just terrified you'll have me doing cardio 2x/day at the end of this again, because I just can't do that again. I will do 5 hours of cardio on my four days off if you want me to, but cardio 2x a day in addition to strength training on my work days is just...it's impossible. With this particular job there aren't enough hours in the day to do all of that, get the one hour commute in each way, work 13-14 hours and still try to sleep...I was sleeping 3-4 hours in between shifts. I can't do that without seriously risking my job."
He smiled. "That means you might be maintaining at the end though."
"I'd rather maintain for the last week or two than kill myself in the process of continuing to cut until the very last second."
He nodded and more alternatives were discussed in terms of diet. Ultimately it would be decided that I would just go back to carb cycling, but to Phase 2 of carb cycling from last time (where fat and carb macros are decreased overall and low carb days turn into no-carb days). I don't expect people to remember, but I was going into that phase this time while 7 weeks out vs at just 4 weeks out last time.
After two weeks of carb timing, I had decided I did, in fact, feel more energized overall on carb cycling because even on the low carb days I could distribute my energy sources more evenly throughout the course of the day, thus allowing me to avoid crashing by late afternoon. I decided I was looking forward to this change now, and I had every intention of playing more with the zero carb days this time around. (More on that later.)
"And then there is the T-walk..." I said. This was discussed too. Trainer didn't have huge expectations for it because it's not judged: you really can do whatever you want. I pointed out again that I am representing him. That I'll joke around and all of that, but I do take it seriously, and I really didn't want to do anything that he would consider embarrassing. For example: I thought the one girl's salsa routine was cool, but not everyone is going to like that.
When I first started showing as a rider, I had a drill sergeant type of trainer who expected all of her riders to win. If you didn't win, or at least place in the top 3, she would take you aside in public and ream you out at maximum volume so everyone would know what a shitty rider you were in her eyes. As a 14-year old chubby overachiever kid that loved horses and riding as much as I did, this did far more damage to my self-esteem than anything else that happened during that time: I already put so much pressure on myself to do well that having that additional pressure just broke me enough to lead me to stop riding because I thought I was so awful. I would later learn that this same trainer would use me as a positive example for her other students: she would point out that I only took lessons once a week and didn't have a horse of my own to practice on (Lucero was a yearling at the time) but was one of her best riders because I was so driven.
If she had said that to my face even once, it would have made such a difference in my life at that time. I might not have quit riding for two years and struggled with an eating disorder and so many body image issues growing up. But...things happen for a reason. Because if it hadn't been for that, I probably wouldn't have eventually tried endurance and I most likely wouldn't be standing in Trainer's gym today.
Anyway. All of that made me hyperaware of the fact that anytime I'm competing, I am representing the person that is training me. Which automatically means I will want to do well both for myself and for that person. I explained this to Trainer.
Trainer demonstrated the T-walk and goofed with some poses to show where they were supposed to happen. He made it look so simple. Even in jest, he did it with so much grace that it flowed like a dance. Grace was not something I was expecting to see as part of a men's routine. Not that I've watched many men's posing routines period, now that I'm thinking about it, mostly because none of it applies to what I'm doing. But in watching Trainer's example, I found myself making a mental note: Must practice even harder!!! And maybe it will be easier if I stop overthinking everything I do...
Regardless, all of my frustration disappeared after this conversation, and I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I relaxed and finished the session still going strong thanks to Trainer backing off on the weight I was lifting without any further request from me. I was proud of myself: everything he had me do exercise-wise was exactly what I had done during my own solo Back Day two days prior. This second Back Day ended up being beneficial because it helped flush out all the lactic acid from my aching muscles...I would wake up the next day feeling good as new.
I had to grin when, at the end of the session, Trainer pulled out the battle ropes again. I had used them for HIIT on my own during the week, since his HIIT experiment had reminded me my gym had two sets of the ropes...and I had included that tidbit in my workout report to him.
I grinned when he came out with the ropes: he was still bent on getting my heart rate to 160 himself.
He had me start with the stagecoach, and later alternating arms while shuffling sideways with a resistance band around my ankles. The coordination required for that was...interesting. I ended up doing something similar to a merengue dance in my attempt to move all limbs in the right pattern, but it resulted in the movement speed suffering, which in turn made it harder to spike my pulse.
I did three rounds. "150," I informed him regarding my heart rate after the last round. That was the highest it had been so far.
He studied me seriously, then broke into a resigned grin, "You're breathing hard. I'm happy with that." I laughed. We were done for the day: I was told to start stretching.
He was
The group started trickling in. Elsa was one of the first. Trainer started out blaming her for what he was about to make them do and she laughingly looked at me in surprise.
"What did I do?" she asked me. She knew he was joking.
"Don't worry, he was planning this all along," I replied in a stage whisper.
"And you better watch out," he said to me upon hearing that. Both Elsa and I laughed. "I'll e-mail you the homework changes later," he added.
"Finally!" I blurted involuntarily. I had been starting to get bored with the workout variation he had had me doing on my own for the past 6 weeks.
Elsa's jaw dropped and she looked at me in something like admiration, "I love your subtlety," she said. She started giggling.
"I mean it," Trainer said to me. "You have another workout with me next week, you know..."
"You know the harder it is, the more I like it! I'm deliberately poking the bear here," I replied, making poking motions in his general direction with a finger. He just laughed.
I had some more questions about the diet that we discussed as the rest of the group arrived. I noticed some pricked ears from them: they all know by now that I'm the one that competes.
"I'll e-mail you those changes too," he said.
"You won't forget?" I teased him. He just gave me a sideways guilty smile. His toddler takes up his full attention once he gets home, as she should, which is why he is forgiven when he forgets.
"I meal prep today for the weekend. Don't make me text you tonight, 'Traaaiiiineeerr...what am I supposed to eat this weekend??'"
He laughed at that too.
Trainer mentioned the following week that this conversation would lead to the entire group having their body fat % measured and a few of them asking to go on carb cycling themselves. Apparently I continue to be an inspiration to other people...and it's still both an odd and cool feeling.
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6 weeks out
Trainer would change my solo workouts at the beginning of this week so that from here on out I was doing what was called quad sets: choose two body parts and work them back-to-back for 4 different exercises/machines, alternating between 10 and 20 reps. No rest. Sometimes it changed and I was working the same body part (ex: chest) for 2 exercises, 10 and 20 reps, and then an opposite body part (ex: back) for 2 exercises, 10 and 20 reps. I was to do 3-4 sets of these four exercises, and then choose a different group of exercises for another 3-4 sets, x 2. Strength workouts in this fashion were usually over an hour in length and even when I was training on my own, ended up being brutal. They also required planning beforehand, with the main catch being that it was nearly impossible to finish all sets on the machines you started with if you were working out at the gym when it was even remotely busy: someone would take one or more of your machines sooner or later, making it hard to finish your quad set with the same set of exercises you started with. I would ultimately plan my entire day around my strength workouts just so I could get to the gym during quiet time (~1:00 to 2:00 pm on my days off.) Cardio was also changed: no more HIIT, only steady-state for up to an hour a day, with my target heart rate being around 120. This made me silly happy because it meant I could continue with both running and Spinning this time around.
The next session was Leg Day. I was in much better spirits than I had been for the previous session.
Trainer was going to apply quad sets to workouts with him as well.
After my warm-up, he had me start right off the bat with walking lunges down the length of the gym, with the 45 lb barbell across my shoulders.
I used to struggle getting the barbell from the floor onto my shoulders; Trainer would have to pass it to me. So I was quite impressed with myself when I was able to not only lift the barbell and place it on my shoulders all by myself, it was easy to do so! I almost felt like I could have even twirled it in the air one-handed. Almost.
Grinning like a goon, I began lunging.
"Look at that shoulder vein!" Trainer commented as I lunged past him. I knew which one he meant: the one on my right shoulder that lately shows even when I'm not doing anything. I grinned even wider, trying to come up with some smart-ass response...and almost lost my balance as I swung into the next step. I recovered smoothly but he noticed.
"Can't give you a compliment or you lose your concentration," he teased from behind me.
I literally bit my tongue so as to keep quiet and lunged on towards the other end of the gym.
Once there, he had me do 20 jump lunges (10 with each leg). I groaned internally. This falls under the category of plyometrics, which is another thing that I absolutely hate.
At 6 jump lunges, my quads were on fire and swapping legs during the jump phase of the lunge was excruciating.
"Did you use your legs this past weekend??" Trainer asked. He was surprised by how much I was struggling.
"YES! At work!" I reminded him. "All the time!" My feet were still throbbing from the weekend when I had woken up that morning. "And my quads are pissed off from it too, apparently!" They were burrrrnnniiiingg!!!
I
OMG dude, you're killing me here, I thought, but didn't say.
I struggled through them too and was able to complete them, I don't even know how. I could feel my pulse skyrocketing through them: walking lunges alone will get my heart rate up well into the cardiac workout zone, and this was pushing it even further. I had finished and taken two steps towards my water bottle, breathing hard, when my heart rate monitor caught up to my pulse and went off, "Beep-beep-beep-beep..." I was not surprised one bit!
I felt Trainer go very still. "There it is!" I announced, turning to face him as I grabbed my water bottle.
I wish I could have taken a photo of his face. He was standing across the room, beaming from ear to ear like a little kid at Christmas that had just received his first puppy as a gift. I had never seen him grin like that before. He was so proud of himself, I couldn't help laughing. I never thought getting my heart rate up would end up being so challenging, but given the training format (strength-focused) and the fact that he's turned me into a cardio monster between the steady-state cardio 2x/day at the end of the last prep and all of the HIIT now, it's not surprising. My fitness level was direct proof of both the quality of his training and my own dedication to holding up my end of the deal by doing the homework he assigned.
"NOW you know what the monitor sounds like when I hit 160," I added. And right then my pulse started to drop and the monitor went silent again: he could also hear for himself how fast I recover.
My heart rate monitor likes to reset itself randomly to the watch setting and it always beeps a single time when it does that. Trainer would hear it beep once while I was in the middle of doing whatever exercise and get excited, and I'd have to inform him with an eyeroll, "It's not 160. It beeps continuously to my pulse when it hits that number, not just once." But he would forget...or he wouldn't believe me. I wasn't sure. Now he knew for real.
I was given a full one-minute break...and then I repeated the lunge superset.
I picked up the barbell again and found myself involuntarily stepping backwards with it all the way to the garage door behind me. Masochist? No: I was literally doing everything in my power to postpone those jump lunges for as long as possible, even if it meant doing more walking lunges instead!
I lunged slowly and methodically across the gym. Once at the other end, I tried to not be too obvious about how slowly I was setting the barbell down. Trainer had followed me to that end and was waiting.
I tried: "Can I just skip the jump lunges and do infinite walking lunges instead?" I asked innocently.
He just looked at me silently with a smirk.
"No? Okay then," and with a sigh got into position for the jump lunges.
And then lunged back across the gym. More jump lunges. More beeping from the monitor. Another rest period, and repeat the whole thing again.
Only a minute of rest, and then it was on to the next set: 20 side lunges with a 20 lb kettlebell, followed by the "ice skater" sans weight because this was another plyometric exercise. Though I'll say I liked this one much more than the jump lunges.
My heart rate hit 160 again during the ice skater. I glanced at Trainer: he had that enormous grin. I raised an eyebrow at him, "Now you're having fun." He just grinned and said nothing.
3 sets of those and then we moved on into other leg exercises that were more the norm for what typically takes place on Leg Day though exponentially harder: since we were now working in quad sets, everything was a superset working the same muscle groups back-to-back with lower weight but higher intensity. I was ready to go home and crawl back into bed by the time we were done.
We finished with abs. Since he was also in comp prep mode this time around, he made a comment recently about how much he hated ab work (you wouldn't know to see him demo some of the
Of course: me confessing to that meant I got to do more ab work during training sessions.
It was paying off though.
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| The flattest my belly has ever been. I credit the ab work yes, and also figuring out a combo of supplements that helps with bloat. |
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To be continued...
I am drooling over your abs. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have a trainer you can REALLY work with to meet your goals. One who knows when to push and how, but who also LISTENS when you have concerns.
It really does make all the difference! :D
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