The Girls (Yes, I Still Have Horses)

Lily and Gracie are fine. They have mostly had this year off from riding as I've been exploring the world of lifting. At this moment in time, I'm not sure I will return to endurance. The work required to maintain both mares in competition form is both quite expensive (special shoes that I'll only allow one specific farrier to place, hoof boots, joint injections & injectable joint supps for Gracie, micromanagement of Lily's nutrition, maintaining saddle fit, rotation of equipment, elyting on point, etc) and time-consuming (trail conditioning that includes work over varied terrain, hill sprints, tempo rides, long slow distance and long FAST distance, gallop sets, active rest days, dressage cross-training in the arena) in addition to the stress involved in just taking them to a ride and the risk of injuries to both them and myself are more than I want to deal with at this point in my life.

Gracie and her favorite farrier, Dan.

Because let me get on my soapbox here: yes, technically anyone can compete any sound pasture-fit non-Arab horse in endurance, especially at the LD distance, without knowing a thing about electrolytes or equine nutrition or tack fit or proper conditioning for that horse's body and the terrain you expect him/her to compete on...and get away with it by completing. Some people get away with it multiple times. But the ethical question is: should you? I don't give a hoot what anyone says: endurance is the most dangerous of the horse sports. Sure, in cross country you're jumping solid obstacles. But it's just you and your horse in a controlled environment created by humans. Endurance takes place on a previously existing trail in the middle of the wilderness where you may or may not have cell signal, among a group of hot horses whose behavior you have no way of predicting, on a course that can take hours to complete, where an ambulance might not be able to get to you or your horse in a timely manner should you have a true wreck. Heck, on some rides, no ambulance will be able to get to you at all if something truly awful happens. Like on the big climb of the Old Dominion 50/100.

Good luck getting an ambulance, human or equine, up that trail!

So. Given all of that, should you compete a horse in endurance without first preparing both that horse and yourself as best as you possibly can? If you're going to compete in this sport, the least you can do is your utmost best to set up both the horse AND yourself for success. "Success" being defined as finishing the ride without injury or harm to the horse (and hopefully yourself.)

Lily at the end of her first endurance ride, which was also her first 50-mile ride, and was ALSO the most difficult ride of the East Coast: the Old Dominion. She completed. Looking like this. This is how a horse should look at the end of a tough ride: like they could continue.


Lily at the end of her most recent 50: the No Frills 55 in 2016.  Also a very difficult ride, which was done in horrible weather for the first 2/3 of the distance...and still finished looking like this: absolutely fit to continue.

I spent the better part of two years preparing two mares that are literal opposites in metabolics (easy keeper vs hard keeper), athleticism (fitness decreases within 2 weeks vs 8 months), temperaments (bold and brave vs timid and insecure), work ethics (likes things on her terms vs will do anything to please), and body types (round vs muscular) for this sport that is dominated by neither of my mares' breeds: Thoroughbreds and RMH horses are not known for being gifted in this sport, and each of my two individuals had her own long list of disadvantages lined up against her. The one single thing these two mares have in common is a desire to get down the trail, with the right rider on her back. So I studied the crap out of the sport, I read everything I could get my hands on regarding conditioning, nutrition and electrolyting of the non-Arab, I talked to endurance vets and experienced riders competing non-Arabs, and eventually came up with my own protocols that were tested first on short trail rides, then longer ones, then adjusted, then tested again, then tried out in competition. Moral of the story: don't model any of your non-Arab's endurance preparation protocol after that used for Arabs and Arab crosses. It. will. not. work. If your non-Arab is struggling on the endurance trail, and you're feeding and elyting it like an Arab or Arab cross...well, your non-Arab is going to continue to struggle! PERIOD. Arabs have been bred for CENTURIES to go for days across the desert with riders on their backs. OF COURSE they excel at this sport with minimal work when compared to a non-Arab! And you absolutely cannot expect a heavily muscled horse that was bred for jumping or races under two miles in length or for the dressage arena to excel at distance riding without a whole lot more management and a whole lot more electrolyting (in humid climates) and a completely different nutritional and conditioning protocol than you would use on an Arabian.

Not an Arab: a hard keeper, mostly TB cross that easily muscles up heavily when on the correct diet and exercise program. Sensitive to heat, previous history of anhidrosis; heavy muscling also contributes to heat retention. A perfectionist pleaser that will go forever if that's what you want, but whose emotions can sometimes get in the way of her ability to take care of herself. High potassium requirement when elyting. Performs best in competition on a moderate-to-high fat, moderate protein, high starch diet. Maintains her fitness level for months at a time; can get away with minimal rides in order to maintain fitness. Does better with more true rest (pasture time; no riding time.) Fine-tuning for a mountainous 50-mile ride mostly involved just adding more hill sprints to speed up her recoveries.
(Photo by Becky Pearman)

Not an Arab: an easy keeper that will normally inhale everything in sight unless you are failing in her maintenance during a ride. She will stop eating if you're missing something. Tougher to get fit because she had a long history of inactivity prior to coming into my life. Much harder to maintain fitness levels: she really will lose a significant amount of her fitness with only 2 weeks of inactivity. Does better with active rest (light riding or ground work.)  Performs best in competition on a low fat, low protein, high starch diet, but must live on a ration balancer the rest of the time. High potassium requirement typical of non-Arabs but she also requires more sodium with her elyting in order to keep her drinking on schedule. Hock arthritis in both hocks and high ringbone on her RF pastern call for careful supplement management prior to rides, and nuanced control of her way of going during a ride.
(Photo by Becky Pearman)

So I did all that. And then? And then I trained the crap out of myself so that I could be at least as fit as my horse, because you being able to ride effectively doesn't just happen with riding alone: you have to put the time in too. You don't have to kill yourself in the gym. You don't even have to fucking do cardio. Just working your core and doing a reasonable amount of body-weight squats and lunges, which you can do at home, will dramatically change your strength in the saddle for the better. Carlos didn't believe me until he started going to the gym with me for endurance...and he can tell you it's true.

Walking lunges with a kettlebell at the gym while training myself for endurance in 2016.

And so I managed, not just one non-Arab, but two. Simultaneously. Because I like challenges and why not make the challenge of managing one non-Arab even better by managing two of them at once. Because sure, Carlos was riding Gracie at these rides, but I was the one managing both mares and telling him what to do, even when we were riding (not just at vet checks). Because I spent 50 miles at a time paying attention to what the horse underneath me needed AND what my other horse next to me ALSO needed. And I also managed my own body and its needs AND my husband's, who sometimes needed reminders on when to eat and elyte himself.

Walking behind me at No Frills in 2016, to give Gracie a break.

It's all documented in monumental detail in this blog, and I don't think people realized at the time how hard that all was. Or maybe I just made it sound easy. It was a ton of fun to be on trail with Carlos while everything was going smoothly and to get to share the competitive aspect of the sport with him as well as the conditioning part of it, but at times it did put a strain on the relationship when he would argue that Gracie wanted to go fast so she should get to do so (I'd get worn out during the first half of a ride from telling him to slow the fuck down, especially when you took into consideration the sheer amount of work, caution and money I put into preparing and maintaining GMare with her physical issues) and at vet checks I felt like I had to be everyone's mother: the horses' and my husband's. I did it all without a peep because that's how badly I wanted to compete. But at times it really wasn't fun.

At Foxcatcher in 2016, when we had slushy snow and 30-degree temps going into the halfway hold. 

Gracie had been shivering returning from the vet check. I threw as many horse clothes on her as I could. In these two pics she was literally trying to use Lily's head as cover from the rain.


The girls were so miserable that they refused all food. We RO'd (rider optioned) when the mares continued to not eat and Carlos developed a severe asthma attack as a direct result of not taking care of himself in the frigid temps.

Don't get me wrong: endurance is a wonderful sport. In our region, it is very welcoming of new riders. I have loved my endurance family at rides and getting to see the same faces over and over. I love the even playing field: you're sharing the trail with some of the sport's top athletes. You don't see that at any of the other equestrian sports, unless you're competing at the upper levels yourself. The focus on the horses' welfare is unparalleled in any other equine sport, precisely because it can take such a toll on the horse. The unknown trail is an adventure. The "enduring" aspect of endurance riding teaches you so much about yourself, about your horse and about your relationship with your equine partner. It also tests everything you ever thought you knew about horse management, if you're doing the sport right. It forces you to be the best horseperson you can be, if you're doing it right.

Hand walking Lily down the trail to give her both a physical break (from carrying me) and a mental break (from leading) at No Frills in 2016.


I taught this mare to tail. She did not understand for the longest time. She was all, "No, I'm supposed to follow you, remember? The horse doesn't lead the human." She finally understood the concept during this conditioning ride at Gambrill State Park in March of 2015.

But this year I just didn't want to. I just didn't. I didn't want to have to time shoeings with rides and then stress about one or both horses coming in from the pasture lame the day before heading for ride camp after having had the farrier drive 3 hours one-way to shoe my horses just for the event. I didn't want to stress about wasting work PTO for rides that got cancelled because Lily decided to slice a leg open before a ride. I didn't want to spend an extra $200 in last-minute stuff before every single ride. (Between ride entries, gas, supplies for the horses, food for us and the horses, replacement gear (there was always something), equine maintenance and shoes, each endurance ride we went to often cost us around $800 total.) I didn't want to worry about not saying a peep about competition plans because I might jinx it (OMG I hated this part so much.) I didn't want to ride in the rain and cold anymore. Holy crap, you couldn't PAY me to ride in the rain and cold again after we did so much of that last year. NO. I can be a badass by squatting 245 lbs in a dry gym. I don't have to risk my horses' soundness and my health by trotting over mud and rocks through pouring rain in 45-degree weather for 50 miles. That is not my personal idea of fun and I don't need to do that to prove anything at all.

Lily looking miserable upon waking up at 5:00 am at No Frills in 2016.
It was only April and already our third ride of the year in pouring rain. The white streaks in this photo are rain.

It doesn't help that we have lost the trails on property at the current barn we board at. The BO's husband is a contractor and due to some regulation changes, he is using our favorite trail loop as a dump site for earth removed from several neighboring construction sites. In other words, 2/3 of the property trails are demolished. That leaves a trail loop that is less than 3 miles in length, which is nowhere near enough for endurance conditioning. Sorry, it's not. Not when you're trying to condition two horses separately on the same trails. If I wanted to haul out for every conditioning ride, we'd be boarding at a cheaper, smaller facility. The entire point of boarding at this particular farm was the access to 11 miles of private trails on site.

This is the loop that we don't have access to anymore.

This was part of that loop.

This was part of that loop too.

Back in April, Jess and I went for a ride on the girls on trail. BO had not warned any of the boarders about the changes to the trails (she used to send emails to keep us all in the loop of the goings-on around the farm), and so Jess and I found ourselves riding down one of the familiar trails with a black tarp retention fence on one side and a 100-foot cliff on the other. I was on Gracie, leading the way. The wind rustled the tarp of the fence and Gracie spooked sideways. We almost slid off the trail and down the cliff.

Jess on Lily. Photo from that ride.

I have not been back on that particular trail since April because I keep hearing nightmare stories from the other boarders that regularly trail ride about how much the trails continue to change and how much it upsets their normally even-keeled horses.

And then the access to the trails across the river was also closed: the owners of one of those properties was hunting during the summer. So that only left the hay fields for riding, which I did not want to do given the number of gopher holes around their perimeter.

There were a handful of arena rides during that time.

And then we revisited the trails in August. By then the neighbors were again allowing riders to cross the river onto the trails around their properties.

Carlos and I were originally going to ride in the arena, since I had not been on Lily since June because of the avoiding the summer curse I explained in my bodybuilding posts. But, the arena was being used by a novice rider who was doing groundwork with her gelding and I didn't want to distract her nor her horse. So we decided to try the girls out on the trails. Lily can be a handful outside of the arena by herself after a prolonged period of time off, but I had hoped that with Gracie there, she would be fine.

I was wrong.

Lily started to jig pretty much from the moment we hit the trail, and the more she jigged the more distance she put between herself in Gracie, which made her jig even more. She had not exhibited this behavior since we first moved to Maryland from Florida six years ago. This type of behavior used to lead to explosive bucking. I had a horrendous flashback and dismounted: I did not feel like getting injured on my first ride back on the Mareface.

So I led her by hand and we hiked down to the river: we decided that if we did a couple of gallops up the hill by the train tracks, it would take the excitement out of both mares.

I remounted when we reached turn-off for the water and we made it safely across.

And neither Carlos nor I took any more pictures after that because we arrived at the hill only to discover a vehicle barricading the top: we weren't going to be able to do our hill sprints. I still don't know what was up with the vehicle: we had never seen cars on those trails and we had been told riding on them was allowed again. We didn't hang around to ask. We just turned the horses around and this time Lily nearly exploded again when she was pointed towards the barn. I dismounted, led her back to the river, where I again hopped on her to cross the water...and proceeded to have an argument with her about whether or not she should leap down from the 3' bank or walk down it.

Every single accident that I have ever had on this mare came flooding back at that instant. There are very large rocks at the bottom of that river in this particular section where Lily wanted to jump in, and all I could think of was my fall last year, after Lily got stuck in quicksand in the Potomac, and how macerated my body ended up as a result.

The bruising that started at my thigh and extended all the way up to my ribs. The bruises are long gone, but a year and a half later, this thigh is still slightly puffy around the area that was so badly bruised by the fall. You can see it in my bodybuilding show photos if you pay attention. There was permanent soft tissue damage. No wonder it was 3 months before I could return to pre-fall activity levels...

The pain of that fall, the prolonged pain of the recovery, the wondering if I would ever be pain-free again, of not being able to function like a normal human being at work nor in the gym because I was in so much constant pain...it was all too vivid, too real. It rushed back with so much force that I was reliving it all over again right then and there, on Lily's back as she tried to dive into the river.

I have not been that terrified on the back of a horse in...I don't remember. I've had a lot of scary moments on this mare that are all documented in this blog (I'm sure the trainwreck factor has been a reason why some readers followed in the past) and I don't remember ever being as frightened on the back of a horse as I was right then and there. Enough that I was ready to give up riding permanently right then and there.

I finally convinced Lily to just STEP DOWN into the water and walk across to the opposite bank, where I immediately dismounted and hand walked her next to Gracie and Carlos, all the way back to the arena. I was shaking hard and so upset that I was nauseated.

And that's when I decided that it wasn't worth it. It was not worth any horse nor sport to endanger myself in this way. I am unusual from the average person in that I NEED a 100% functioning body in order to do my job. I don't have a desk job where I can sit down for 8 hours a day and have the luxury of resting a broken body part while still earning a paycheck. The ICU I work in is maybe 900 square feet. In one 13-hour shift, I still get in anywhere from 10,000-15,000 steps in that small space: that's how active we are. And that's not even counting all the squatting, bending, lifting, kneeling, pulling, pushing, running, that we do as part of our normal job responsibilities. The only times we get to sit down are when we're typing up client communications in the patients' records after nursing updates at 10:00 am, and when entering the day's charges in the client's invoice at shift change at the end of the day (updating invoices is a vet tech responsibility at the veterinary specialty hospital level.) Each of those things takes all of 10 minutes. If you're a seriously injured ICU vet tech, you are also a potentially jobless ICU vet tech.

Encircled by two mares

So on this day we hiked up to the arena, where I shoved my quaking nerves back into their box, and proceeded to calmly get back on Lily and put in an effective arena ride to both burn her excess energy and remind myself that I can still ride without being afraid of dying.

All of these pics are from the day I'm telling you about. All of them were taken by Carlos while he was sitting on Gracie. Who had been completely immune to Lily's shenanigans throughout all of this, btw.

We ultimately had a lovely ride. But when I dismounted after, I wanted to sell Lily.

A week later, I still wanted to sell Lily.

A month later, I still felt the same.

Hanging out with me in the field

And so I stressed about it and put out feelers to friends who might know endurance riders looking for a new competition mount. I kept postponing going out to the barn to take good conformation shots so I could type up the ad and make it official. I was 100% sure I wanted to do this, but at the same time I didn't want to publicly market the mare. She loves endurance and she knows her job in an endurance setting; I would love for her to go to a home where she could continue on this journey. She will do dressage for the right person, but she will not dressage for anyone that tries to force or yank her into "a frame." She does not really enjoy jumping, and I knew that with being mostly Thoroughbred, the majority of people interested in her would primarily want to jump her. Hence why I didn't want to market her publicly. I just wanted to find her a good endurance home with a competent rider that would hopefully stay in touch so I could know how Lily was doing. I was honestly willing to give her away for free to the right home, not out of desperation but simply because that's how much I wanted her to end up in the right place for her.

It is hard to let go of the mare that does this to you.

There have been a handful of rides after that. All of them were amazing. All of them were in the arena.

I love that mare. I still do and I always will. I love her because she has changed my life in ways that I never dreamed a horse could change a person. I am who I am today because of her, my $1 mutt.

She is so beautiful.

I am at an impasse as to what to do. I would still sell her to the right person, but I kind of want the right person to show up out of the blue because it is meant to be, because that is what the Universe wants that for my mare. I don't want to force it by writing up a sales ad and having to slog through people that want her as an eventer or jumper prospect. I would want her to go to a trail riding or endurance home only. Otherwise, she can just stay with me for now. Most of her riding lately is being done by Jess, who continues to be Lily's #1 fan.

In the meantime, I'm trying to ride Gracie with more frequency, since she genuinely needs to be ridden both for weight maintenance and her arthritis.

It is not every day that you meet, let alone get to own, a horse that you can let sit for months at a time and then just hop on bareback one day and do whatever.

I found that horse in Gracie. I knew that was the horse I was getting the day I bought her...but she was not that horse yet at the time.

She is now.

And there is something truly wonderful in knowing that I am the person that turned her into that horse.

Rides continue to be sans saddle.
Yes, it is easy now. #strengthtrainingftw

Slowly re-introducing her to the concepts of engagement and uphill balance, with a couple of half-turns around the arena at the canter in each direction just to get the blood pumping. I had been expecting her to protest being put back to work, but I've been gentle in my requests and she has been 100% willing to do everything I ask: it is not realistic to expect her to perform with the same quality as when we left off at the beginning of this year. She is not a fan of the arena even on a good day, but I genuinely think she missed having a job. She's been such a good girl. 

Alice returned to Maryland from PR for her working interviews and wanted to ride. So I brought Gracie out for her.
Gracie did her usual grumbling, "Why do you put these people on me for me to take care of?"
Me: "Precisely because I know you'll take such good care of them."
Gracie: "Hmmmf. Ok. As you wish."


This canter was not deliberately requested by Alice, but Gracie gave her a lovely, smooth ride and Alice just flowed with it, effectively bringing Gracie to a halt at my indication.
Side note: it is tremendous fun to give lessons to fit people with body awareness. Alice has never taken a riding lesson in her life; she's only done some occasional trail riding on rental horses. You couldn't tell to watch her ride. But remember she is a personal trainer with core and leg strength and an above-average fitness level. If you think being fit yourself is not going to make a difference in your riding, just look at these pics.

The final nail in the on-site trail riding coffin was hammered in by our BO two weeks ago, when she had coyote traps placed on the two main trail accesses, which makes them impossible to avoid if all you want to do is hit the trail. The traps are the type that catch animals by the leg; the jaws are smooth as required by Maryland trapping regulations so they don't mangle an animal's leg, but smooth or not I really don't care to have one of my horses accidentally step in one of those traps and start thrashing about with me on them. Or just as bad: to come up on a trapped and terrified coyote right in the middle of the trail. Trapping season runs until February, so trail riding will continue to be limited to pretty much zero. BO has always been proud to run a mainly trail riding facility...it is an understatement to say that us trail riding boarders are confused right now given how difficult she continues to make trail riding for us.

And all of this is why I haven't written about riding.

"I don't care if this bareback pad makes me look fat. Imma just take a nap right here." - Gracie

Winter is not the best time to move to a new barn, but by the same token it's the best time to barn shop because it's when you'll truly get to know how well pastures and herds are managed: manure removal, haying, water trough maintenance and supervision of herd dynamics are even more important in the wintertime than in the summer when pastures are green and lush for all to graze and water doesn't freeze.

I have loved boarding at this facility for the past 3 years but with no end in sight to the lack of trail access, the thought of moving to a different barn is looming ever closer. We'll see.

In the meantime, I'll just keep looking at the world through these blonde-tipped ears.