This is part 5 of an 8-post series. Continued from here. I strongly recommend reading these posts in order, as they build up on one another, and the information in one post is relevant to what happens in the next. They were all written as the events were happening.
Of all of this, posing was the hardest part. Not because the poses for competition are particularly difficult: the Figure division's poses are, IMO, the classiest and most straightforward. (Another reason why I chose this division.) No, the reason why practicing posing was hard is because it was the time when I truly had to confront the mirror.
When it comes to this type of competition, you cannot escape posing. You can have the most amazing body on the planet but if you can't pose in order to show it off on that stage, it's all for nothing.
I had been working with Trainer for a couple of weeks in the beginning when he asked off-handedly in the middle of a session, "Have you been practicing your posing?"
"I just started," I said. I had just started...but I needed to be doing a lot more of it. We had a conversation about it, and Trainer commented about how hard the lat spread can be, while I thought, "Surely I'm doing something wrong? Because it is seriously not hard for me at all..."
The lat spread was not hard. The comparison side poses were not hard. What was hard was looking at my distorted reflection in our Target mirror in the shitty light of our apartment that highlighted every damn flaw on my body, with a major case of Impostor Syndrome and part of me thinking, "You are insane to think you can do this. You'll never be ready for this," while another part of me thought, "You must be doing something wrong because this isn't that hard. Why on earth do some people practice this for hours and hours??" No, the posing itself was not hard. It was dealing with my own head.
This led to a LOT of internet research and watching a lot of pros doing their thing. IFBB, NPC and OCB have slightly different posing routines for Figure. I watched a couple of videos of newbie show divisions and wanted to hide in embarrassment for some of the competitors and what they were doing.
Like, I'm the rookiest of them all and I could tell they were doing crazy shit on that stage and there was no way I wanted to be thinking of that when it was my turn. So I'd go back to looking at the pros. And then I'd try to practice and be like, "OMG how on earth will I ever be ready for this in time?" Because pro bodies look hella different from rookie bodies...
Like, I'm the rookiest of them all and I could tell they were doing crazy shit on that stage and there was no way I wanted to be thinking of that when it was my turn. So I'd go back to looking at the pros. And then I'd try to practice and be like, "OMG how on earth will I ever be ready for this in time?" Because pro bodies look hella different from rookie bodies...
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| Nicole Wilkins (yes, again. Imma keep mentioning her so get used to it. :P) |
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| And a first time competitor who placed 3rd in her NPC Master's class! :) (Masters = over 40 years of age.) She looks amazing. But this is why comparing a pro to someone starting out is like comparing your dressage First Level Quarter Horse to the likes of Valegro. Aka: don't do that, mmkay? |
And then I stumbled upon this video of a posing class by Nicole Wilkins, which ended up being key in my ability to get over myself and just pose.
She explained all the poses for Figure and what they should look like in a way that made sense, which then made it possible for me to actually practice because I understood the reason for each pose.
After that I graduated to just watching videos of her competitions. I liked her natural style and found it easy to emulate. Later I went back to watching Novice and True Novice divisions just to remind myself of what new competitor bodies usually look like, especially when they're not 20-somethings. Because I'm not a 20-something, even though I tend to forget that.
Carlos was uber helpful with all of this: he sat down to watch the above video, which allowed him to know what he was looking at when I practiced at home, and he was able to give me feedback on what I was doing. He took videos for me so I could see for myself what I was doing. It all looked good enough, but I still had no idea if it was correct. I was having a hard time figuring out a way to transition smoothly from one pose to another.
But the toughest pose of all was what is called the model side pose. You see, when your division starts, each competitor walks out on stage alone to present herself to the judges. This is your chance to create that first impression all by yourself. The competitor does the front pose and back pose, each one involving the infamous lat spread, and then there is a side pose that involves standing with your hips sideways to the judges and then twisting your torso around 180 degrees to face them while maintaining said lat spread.
Guys. That shit is hard. And I couldn't figure out how to correct mine.
So. On that posing class.
Despite Trainer's soothing words, I was still a nervous wreck about it. The posing trainer, whom I shall refer to as A, had responded to Trainer's query and he gave me her contact info to set up the class. She replied immediately upon me reaching out, and within a couple of emails back and forth we had set up the date and time for the class. She sounded as nice as Trainer had described her, but I still held this unexplainable deep-down dread that she would be like another Coach.
I was to wear a sports bra and tight shorts for the session so she could see what I was doing with my body, which I was expecting.
I sweated over the shorts though. My legs were really starting to respond to the hard work I was putting them through that week. But the damn shorts were short enough that they hid nothing, and I was about to be in front of a woman that had been training and competing herself for years. I felt beyond subpar about it.
I gave myself almost 2 hours to complete the 50-mile drive because I wasn't sure what traffic would be doing on the highway into D.C. Which meant that I arrived an hour early to the appointment. So I drove around in the car, exploring the area and drooling over the many restaurants that I could not eat at yet (I had had a decent breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage (because zero carb day) right before heading out but was already hungry again an hour later) and then parked in front of the gym to wait until it was closer to my class time. I realized then that I was shaking from nerves, and ready to defend my body with tooth and nail if it was overly criticized. I don't know why I was still expecting a repeat of my experience with Coach. Maybe because it was the worst possible scenario and I'm a pessimistic optimist? If I prepare for the worst, it won't catch me by surprise if it happens.
I tried to catch up on blog reading while I counted down the minutes. When it was 10 minutes before my class time, I yanked the 3" hem of my shorts down so they'd cover as much as possible, grabbed my bag with the stripper shoes, and crossed the street to the gym.
I walked into a lovely space: A's gym was a small studio-type setting with a wall of windows down the length of one side, opposite a wall of mirrors on the other. Despite being in the city, the windows looked out onto blue sky and green trees waving in the hot summer sunlight, which in turn was reflected in the mirrors, giving the illusion that the outside was in. It was very Zen. Squat racks stood lined up in front of the windows, ready for action, and dumbbell racks were lined up by the mirrors: the two signs that this was not, in fact, a yoga studio.
A was finishing up with a client. They were talking animatedly, happily, as the client stretched. A paused when she noticed me walk in to give me a warm smile and welcome me by name. My nerves vanished right then and there: I instantly liked her, on sight. I was encouraged to use the locker area behind the wall of mirrors; I could put my bag away there if I would like to.
The locker area was like something out of a South Beach 5-star hotel: it was all golden wood, mirrors, opaque glass and sky blue accents, bathed in a soft flattering white light. I lingered as I pulled out the infamous heels and placed my bag in one of the cubbies: the square footage inside the locker area was almost equal to that of the rest of the gym.
I stepped out just as A was wrapping up with her client. A and I sat down to talk: she had asked me via email to tell her about my goals and my history, so she already knew about my riding background. She had always wanted to ride herself but had not been allowed to as a kid.
"So are you excited? Nervous?" she asked. Her eyes twinkled when she asked.
"...Both," I said tentatively. "With nervous winning by a mile!"
"But why? You shouldn't be nervous!" she said.
"I keep thinking I'm not ready. But the way I am, if I let that thought take over, I'll never just go out and do it. I'll just train forever, always thinking that I can be better. Which is a truth: we can always be better, regardless what the sport is, but we also all have to start somewhere at some point. So I'm choosing to start now."
We talked about Trainer and how long I had been working towards this, both with him and prior. She seemed to like all of my answers.
And then, "Tell me: why this? What made you decide to step into training for a show?" she asked, with that same warm smile. She genuinely wanted to know.
"I had always entertained the idea at the back of my head, but never thought I was material for it. I was just the girl that was terrible at sports...except riding. And then I started training to be my mare's equal for endurance and realized that maybe this was something I could do after all..." I paused, and all of the excitement I had been containing over the last three months working with Trainer bubbled up, the excitement that I had not been able to put into words because no one around me truly "gets" it, and I blurted, "And it is just AWESOME, so very awesome, to train with a purpose, you know? To do it with a goal in sight. That's how it was for me with endurance. It wasn't about putzing around on the trails, it was about enjoying the trails with determination: you wanted to complete a specific amount of miles in a specific amount of time or work on this or that to strengthen your horse to make her a better competitor. This is the same, except it's me now, not my horse. I've always been fascinated by sports medicine and human nutrition and it is incredible to get to actively use that knowledge for something now. It gives all of it a focus. This prep is one of the hardest things I've ever done but I'm having a blast with it because...because the best part of it all has been realizing that the limits I thought my body had are actually all in my head."
She beamed at me. "It's amazing, isn't it?" she said, reflecting my excitement back at me. This was probably the fittest woman I had ever interacted with in person and she had that same calm, quiet confidence about her that Trainer has. She was also three weeks out from a show: my show. She was going to be competing there too. Her three weeks out appearance was completely different from mine, and that was okay. It was as it was supposed to be. Yet right then she channeled that brand new excitement she had had from her very first time on stage, and she told me about it.
She had also chosen an NPC show as her first. She knew nothing about the sport other than training for it. She did her own tan and that was probably not the best idea. But she went up on that stage and she had so much fun that she couldn't wait to do it again. And here she was so many years later, still at it.
It was good to know I'm not a nut for choosing the biggest national organization as a starting point for this. :)
We then got to work with posing.
I stripped to my sports bra and shorts, and A had me go through my model poses first. My lat spread was declared perfect from the get-go (!!!). The only thing A corrected was having me lift my rib cage a little more. I showed her my side pose and explained the difficulties I was having with it. A came over, made some minor adjustments, and all of a sudden the pose happened: I was able to engage my core and swing my shoulders completely towards the mirrors while keeping my hips parallel to them.
I looked up at my reflection and did a double-take. "Oh WOW," I breathed. Not only was I nailing the pose, my proportions suddenly weren't that far from She Whom I Was Imitating throughout all this:
"Right?!" A said. She complimented my shoulders vs small waist, which were really evident in this pose now. And I just grinned like a goon. You're supposed to smile while doing all this. My smile was finally real.
I had been having issues figuring out also how to position my front foot during this same side pose. A gave me pointers to help me show off what I have and complimented my quads, which made my day even more than anything else right up to that point. Thanks to riding, I thought. She then advised me on how to smoothly transition from one pose to another for both the model poses and the comparison poses.
It was only half an hour and it flew by, but by the end of it I felt empowered, emboldened and truly 100% excited about this whole thing for the first time since beginning this journey. My impostor syndrome had been erased in its entirety in the light of A's encouragement and positive reinforcement.
"You should be excited about your first show. You are far more ahead than the average beginner," A said with a grin at the end of the session.
I practically danced out to the car and grinned from ear to ear for the entire 50-mile drive back home.
Carlos was uber helpful with all of this: he sat down to watch the above video, which allowed him to know what he was looking at when I practiced at home, and he was able to give me feedback on what I was doing. He took videos for me so I could see for myself what I was doing. It all looked good enough, but I still had no idea if it was correct. I was having a hard time figuring out a way to transition smoothly from one pose to another.
But the toughest pose of all was what is called the model side pose. You see, when your division starts, each competitor walks out on stage alone to present herself to the judges. This is your chance to create that first impression all by yourself. The competitor does the front pose and back pose, each one involving the infamous lat spread, and then there is a side pose that involves standing with your hips sideways to the judges and then twisting your torso around 180 degrees to face them while maintaining said lat spread.
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| Like so. |
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So. On that posing class.
Despite Trainer's soothing words, I was still a nervous wreck about it. The posing trainer, whom I shall refer to as A, had responded to Trainer's query and he gave me her contact info to set up the class. She replied immediately upon me reaching out, and within a couple of emails back and forth we had set up the date and time for the class. She sounded as nice as Trainer had described her, but I still held this unexplainable deep-down dread that she would be like another Coach.
I was to wear a sports bra and tight shorts for the session so she could see what I was doing with my body, which I was expecting.
I sweated over the shorts though. My legs were really starting to respond to the hard work I was putting them through that week. But the damn shorts were short enough that they hid nothing, and I was about to be in front of a woman that had been training and competing herself for years. I felt beyond subpar about it.
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| The outfit I wore to head out the door the day of the class. I wore sneakers and carried my 5" competition stripper heels. Oh yeah...I haven't told you guys about that part yet! 5" heels are mandatory for Figure. Yup, they HAVE to be 5" high. You know how you find them online? You google "stripper heels." Amazon has a nice selection. I kid you not. It is also mandatory that they be clear. |
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| Despite my insecurities about them for show purposes, I was positively thrilled with my legs. You can see the beginnings of muscle separation (aka definition) all the way up the front of my quads. It takes some people years to get this. It was already starting to show prior to this particular week, but that one week of hard work brought it more to the surface...one week! O_O |
I tried to catch up on blog reading while I counted down the minutes. When it was 10 minutes before my class time, I yanked the 3" hem of my shorts down so they'd cover as much as possible, grabbed my bag with the stripper shoes, and crossed the street to the gym.
I walked into a lovely space: A's gym was a small studio-type setting with a wall of windows down the length of one side, opposite a wall of mirrors on the other. Despite being in the city, the windows looked out onto blue sky and green trees waving in the hot summer sunlight, which in turn was reflected in the mirrors, giving the illusion that the outside was in. It was very Zen. Squat racks stood lined up in front of the windows, ready for action, and dumbbell racks were lined up by the mirrors: the two signs that this was not, in fact, a yoga studio.
A was finishing up with a client. They were talking animatedly, happily, as the client stretched. A paused when she noticed me walk in to give me a warm smile and welcome me by name. My nerves vanished right then and there: I instantly liked her, on sight. I was encouraged to use the locker area behind the wall of mirrors; I could put my bag away there if I would like to.
The locker area was like something out of a South Beach 5-star hotel: it was all golden wood, mirrors, opaque glass and sky blue accents, bathed in a soft flattering white light. I lingered as I pulled out the infamous heels and placed my bag in one of the cubbies: the square footage inside the locker area was almost equal to that of the rest of the gym.
I stepped out just as A was wrapping up with her client. A and I sat down to talk: she had asked me via email to tell her about my goals and my history, so she already knew about my riding background. She had always wanted to ride herself but had not been allowed to as a kid.
"So are you excited? Nervous?" she asked. Her eyes twinkled when she asked.
"...Both," I said tentatively. "With nervous winning by a mile!"
"But why? You shouldn't be nervous!" she said.
"I keep thinking I'm not ready. But the way I am, if I let that thought take over, I'll never just go out and do it. I'll just train forever, always thinking that I can be better. Which is a truth: we can always be better, regardless what the sport is, but we also all have to start somewhere at some point. So I'm choosing to start now."
We talked about Trainer and how long I had been working towards this, both with him and prior. She seemed to like all of my answers.
And then, "Tell me: why this? What made you decide to step into training for a show?" she asked, with that same warm smile. She genuinely wanted to know.
"I had always entertained the idea at the back of my head, but never thought I was material for it. I was just the girl that was terrible at sports...except riding. And then I started training to be my mare's equal for endurance and realized that maybe this was something I could do after all..." I paused, and all of the excitement I had been containing over the last three months working with Trainer bubbled up, the excitement that I had not been able to put into words because no one around me truly "gets" it, and I blurted, "And it is just AWESOME, so very awesome, to train with a purpose, you know? To do it with a goal in sight. That's how it was for me with endurance. It wasn't about putzing around on the trails, it was about enjoying the trails with determination: you wanted to complete a specific amount of miles in a specific amount of time or work on this or that to strengthen your horse to make her a better competitor. This is the same, except it's me now, not my horse. I've always been fascinated by sports medicine and human nutrition and it is incredible to get to actively use that knowledge for something now. It gives all of it a focus. This prep is one of the hardest things I've ever done but I'm having a blast with it because...because the best part of it all has been realizing that the limits I thought my body had are actually all in my head."
She beamed at me. "It's amazing, isn't it?" she said, reflecting my excitement back at me. This was probably the fittest woman I had ever interacted with in person and she had that same calm, quiet confidence about her that Trainer has. She was also three weeks out from a show: my show. She was going to be competing there too. Her three weeks out appearance was completely different from mine, and that was okay. It was as it was supposed to be. Yet right then she channeled that brand new excitement she had had from her very first time on stage, and she told me about it.
She had also chosen an NPC show as her first. She knew nothing about the sport other than training for it. She did her own tan and that was probably not the best idea. But she went up on that stage and she had so much fun that she couldn't wait to do it again. And here she was so many years later, still at it.
It was good to know I'm not a nut for choosing the biggest national organization as a starting point for this. :)
We then got to work with posing.
I stripped to my sports bra and shorts, and A had me go through my model poses first. My lat spread was declared perfect from the get-go (!!!). The only thing A corrected was having me lift my rib cage a little more. I showed her my side pose and explained the difficulties I was having with it. A came over, made some minor adjustments, and all of a sudden the pose happened: I was able to engage my core and swing my shoulders completely towards the mirrors while keeping my hips parallel to them.
I looked up at my reflection and did a double-take. "Oh WOW," I breathed. Not only was I nailing the pose, my proportions suddenly weren't that far from She Whom I Was Imitating throughout all this:
"Right?!" A said. She complimented my shoulders vs small waist, which were really evident in this pose now. And I just grinned like a goon. You're supposed to smile while doing all this. My smile was finally real.
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| Have a glimpse into the future of this series of posts. ;) So you guys know I'm not bullshitting you. Yep, that's me. Photo by Chris Nicoll, used with purchase. |
It was only half an hour and it flew by, but by the end of it I felt empowered, emboldened and truly 100% excited about this whole thing for the first time since beginning this journey. My impostor syndrome had been erased in its entirety in the light of A's encouragement and positive reinforcement.
"You should be excited about your first show. You are far more ahead than the average beginner," A said with a grin at the end of the session.
I practically danced out to the car and grinned from ear to ear for the entire 50-mile drive back home.
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"So how did it go with A?" Trainer asked during our first session after his return.
"I LOVED her!" I exclaimed.
"I knew you'd enjoy her," he said, grinning.
"She complimented my shoulders. And my quads." And as I said it, I started bouncing up and down like a little kid because it had meant SO much coming from her. Trainer's eyebrows shot up in amusement over my enthusiasm.
"And she helped me with my side pose."
"Yes?" he prodded.
"And! And she said my lat spread is perfect. It's PERFECT!" I squealed, and totally did a happy dance in front of him.
Trainer threw his head back and laughed.
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Continued here
